How to handle the death of a pet with your children

We get talked into it. They look at us with those sad little eyes and whimper, “Mommy, can I please have a goldfish”. We believe them when they promise to take care of it and clean the bowl every-other day. Sane, rational people will yield to a child’s plea and bring “pets” home that you would otherwise call an exterminator and evacuate the house.

What’s worse is that we fail to fast-forward and visualize ourselves standing in front of a toilet and offering an impromptu eulogy before sending “Goldie” to his watery grave.

Few families can escape the pain associated with the loss of a pet. I will never forget the day my older brother broke the news that my beloved dog had died. At the age of 8, it was the first time I had come face-to-face with the reality of death. I couldn’t be comforted and cried myself to sleep. For days, I would pray that there was a heaven for dogs and tried to visualize Captain with little angel wings flying around the golden gates. A few months later, a new puppy entered our family. We grew to love her and once again, cried when it was time to say goodbye.

As in my case, the death of a family pet is often a child’s first encounter with this painful fact of life. We, as parents, have the heartbreaking responsibility of explaining this law of nature to our children. What’s worse, how we handle this situation can have a life-long impact on our child’s understanding of death and dying. This is not something to take lightly and there are some specific things you can do to help children manage the pain associated with the loss of a beloved pet.

1. Don’t Lie
   It is so tempting to say that “Buddy went to live somewhere else” or that “Mittens ran away”. Kids will pray for a safe return of their pet and be preoccupied with the notion that their faithful friend is lost, scared or afraid. In addition, kids take things literally and may not understand the notion that a pet was “put to sleep”. Let your child know that their pet has died and explain what dying means.
2. Memorialize your Pet
   There are creative things you can do to memorialize your child’s pet. Some people plant a tree in a specific area of the yard, or have a special ceremony in his honor. Other ideas include working with your child on a photo album or scrap book that captures some of the special memories. Finally, you as a family can make a donation to a local shelter in honor of your family friend.
3. Tell Your Child’s Teacher or other Caregivers
   It is important to inform your child’s teacher or other caregivers about the loss of a pet. This will allow them to be sensitive to your child if he exhibits signs of sadness or anger.
4. Read a Book
   There are many books out there that deal with the loss of a pet. These books can provide comfort for kids of all ages. Some of my favorites include:
   1. a. “Goodbye Mousie”
   2. b. “The Tenth Good Thing about Barney”
   3. c. “Jasper’s Day”
   4. d. “Saying Goodbye to Lulu”

You may be tempted to rush out and buy another pet in order to ease your child’s pain. I encourage you to hold off until your child has expressed an interest in another animal and your family is prepared to welcome a new member into the family. Finally, it is important to remember that we as parents are grieving also. Do your best to guide your child through this process, but don’t expect to be perfect. Ask for help from friends and relatives and remember, the more you help yourself cope, the more you will be able to assist your child with his grief.