I love my kids. You love your kids. We love them every second of every day, and that will never change. But do we like them just as often? Even the cutest, freckled-faced little boy or girl can really get under our skin when they whine about not going to bed or talk back in front of other grown-ups.

I am in an informal Moms Club that gets together every-other Friday night. Our children play while we gab and drink wine. We spend much of our time talking about our husbands and our kids and commiserate on their grating habits. Although I reserve the right to document the frustrating antics of men for another article, for now, I have collected the votes and am submitting for your review the Top Five Most Annoying Things our Kids Say or Do.

Number 5: Saying “I’m Bored!”

We clearly live in a society where children are used to being entertained. Sometime in my lifetime the choices of television programs available at any one time went from 3 to 3000. Internet, video games, computers, and other electronics don’t help the situation either. Here’s the bad news. It’s not our kids’ fault. Think about it—as kids, we were the same way…“Mom, the President is on all three channels! What are we going to DO?”

What I have to remember as a parent is that I don’t have to fix every problem my kid has, especially this one. It’s another case for being prepared. Before your kid gets bored, sit down with her and make a list of all the choices they have for activities—games, cards, coloring, toys, reading, music—all that don’t involve electronics or other outside help. In addition, include some physical activities like shooting baskets, washing the car, or jumping rope. Don’t get me wrong, TV and video games can offer some respite from boredom, but it should not be the only outlet. Make sure your kids have a variety of weapons to battle the boredom.

Number 4: Not Sharing

Whether they’re youngest, oldest, or somewhere in the middle, most kids are going to resist sharing at one time or another. It’s normal human nature, and I may even see it in myself occasionally with my morning Diet Coke. The “mine” syndrome your toddler exhibits, for example, is not about being selfish, or spoiled. It has to do with the fact that objects at this age are like a part of themselves. In their little minds, sharing means giving things up forever. That’s where parents come in. Make sure your child knows that the object is not going away forever. In some cases, we find it useful to set a timer between turns. If arguing persists, we tend to remove the object entirely so that nobody “wins.” This works best, I have found, when I follow up with a new idea or activity to facilitate their interest.

Number 3. Talking Back

In our home, there is really no appropriate situation for a child to speak disrespectfully to an adult. In fact, we are probably more sensitive than many about how our children speak to each other. This may come from the fact that both my husband and I are the babies of our families, and took more than our share of teasing. Regardless, talking back or being sassy should never be tolerated. A parent needs to establish behavior expectations and stick to them. Make sure your kids know that talking that way will NOT get them the outcome they are seeking.

The rest of the responsibility, once again, comes back to the behavior your kids see everyday. Have you caught an episode of teen-centered TV lately? When is the last time you actually sat through an entire PG-13 movie? How you and your spouse speak to each other, to other adults, and to the children, are also examples that your kids are prone to follow. Keep in mind that little ears are always open—like when you’re on the phone to your girlfriend, dropping occasional gossip, or when you’re interacting verbally with people in the community—or in your car…

Do your best to demonstrate better ways of communicating, or get creative with their toys and perform a little Role Play about using better manners in different situations. It works great at our house. My kids even request the Manner Game at bedtime.

Number 2: Throwing a Tantrum

Temper tantrums can be hard on parents and kids. The child is clearly upset, parents get frustrated and embarrassed, particularly if their little darling is acting up in a public place. Although temper tantrums are normal part of development, they’re never fun. Try to remember these two tips:

1. The child is the one with the emotional crisis at the moment. Keep it that way. If you stay calm, you can defuse the situation more readily. If you freak out, now you have two problems.
2. A tantrum typically means your child is seeking attention—give him yours, but only yours. If at all possible, remove the child from the situation as soon as possible to reduce the power the tantrum has to affect the child’s environment. Go outside. Go to the car. Go home.
3. Once the crisis is over, look back to see what you could do to avoid the tantrum in the future—perhaps sticking to a routine and making sure your child is well-rested will help.

Number 1: Whining

Without question, whining was a universal complaint. For me, it is the number one most annoying thing my kids do. One way to handle whining is to ignore it as much as possible. If it stops, do a little happy dance in the kitchen on your own. If it escalates into a tantrum, refer to #2 above. If the whining persists, first and foremost – do NOT give in to what they’ve been whining about. That’s the quickest way to have the “whinebulence” come through your house even more frequently. Instead, let your child know that you cannot understand him when he uses his whiny voice and encourage him to use his “big boy” voice. I have also found it helpful to demonstrate what it sounds like to whine. This is more often effective when my husband is not home, because he tried to put me in Time Out once. If you have that freedom, let your child hear how annoying whining actually sounds. And don’t be afraid to exaggerate just a little…

By the way, that Manner Game I mentioned before is also very effective when it comes to managing a whining child. Using stuffed animals, I typically give two examples of the same story, one with a whining main character and one with a main character who uses his “big boy” voice to express the same issues he’s been whining about. At the end, I ask my kids which one did it right… even my 3-year old gets it right. Every time.