Let’s face it ladies… there are some things that men simply do better. It’s in their wiring. On the bright side, it ‘s important to note that most of their gender based talents do not necessarily do much for the greater good. This includes belching the alphabet, spitting long distances, and getting dressed for the day in 30 seconds or less. Also on the top of the list is a skill that simply eludes most women. However, for boys, it serves a primary source of entertainment throughout a man’s life. I am talking, of course, about sound effects.

We start off on equal footing. Both boy babies and girl babies get a kick out of blowing raspberries. However, this childhood highlight soon losses its luster for little girls once words are introduced. However, men at every age can’t help but giggle when they or a buddy produce obscene sounds. In my household, I have already had to stop my three-year-old from pulling his older brother’s finger.

Soon, boys graduate to more advanced sounds effects starting with planes (vroooooom), trains, (chugachugachugachuga)and fire trucks (reeeewooo reeewoooo). They then move to animal sounds and finally proceed to weapons like machine guns (phtphtpht) and light sabers (wompwompwomp). By the time they hit adolescents, they are moving onto another exclusively male talent, quoting movies.

They do it every time they get together with male friends and can spend an entire evening quoting “Caddy Shack” or “Napoleon Dynamite”. Women would much rather our men quote poetry – not “Pulp Fiction”. After all, when did Terintino replace Shakespeare?

Emily was crying by the time the softball game ended. It wasn’t because her team had lost. It wasn’t because she was unhappy about her own playing. It wasn’t even because of anything the other team had said or done. Emily’s tears came after her dad yelled at her – in front of all her teammates – for missing the fly ball that could have saved the game. Emily was just 8 years old.
If your child has ever participated in a sport, you’ve undoubtedly met people like Emily’s dad, who behave in a way that is inappropriate and upsets the child. These parents get so wrapped up in winning and losing or in how well their own children perform that they lose sight of what’s really important. They forget that one of the most important goals of kids’ sports is helping children develop a sense of good sportsmanship.

What Is Good Sportsmanship?

Good sportsmanship occurs when teammates, opponents, coaches, and officials treat each other with respect. Kids learn the basics of sportsmanship from the adults in their lives, especially their parents and their coaches. Kids who see adults behaving in a sportsmanlike way gradually come to understand that the real winners in sports are those who know how to persevere and to behave with dignity – whether they win or lose a game.

Parents can help their kids understand that good sportsmanship includes both small gestures and heroic efforts. It starts with something as simple as shaking hands with opponents before a game and includes acknowledging good plays made by others and accepting bad calls gracefully. Displaying good sportsmanship isn’t always easy: It can be tough to congratulate the opposing team after losing a close or important game. But the kids who learn how to do it will benefit in many ways.

A child who bullies or taunts others on the playing field isn’t likely to change the behavior when in the classroom or in social situations. In the same way, a child who practices good sportsmanship is likely to carry the respect and appreciation of other people into every other aspect of life.

Good Sports Are Winners

Ask a first or second grader who won a game, and that child may answer, “I think it was a tie.” It’s likely the question isn’t of any real interest at that stage. Kids may be more eager to talk about the hits they got or the catches they almost made. But as they move into older and more competitive leagues, kids become more focused on winning. They often forget to have fun. Without constant reminders and good examples, they may also forget what behavior is appropriate before, during, and after a sporting event.

If a child has a coach who cares only about being in first place and says that anything goes as long as they win, that child picks up the message that it’s OK to be ruthless on the field. If parents are constantly pressuring them to play better or second-guessing every move they’ve made, children get the message that they’re only as good as their last good play – and they’ll try any method of achieving one.

Adults who emphasize good sportsmanship, however, see winning as just one of several goals they’d like their kids to achieve. They help young athletes take pride in their accomplishments and in their improving skills, so that the kids see themselves as winners, even if the scoreboard doesn’t show the numbers going in their favor.

The best coaches – and parents – encourage their kids to play fair, to have fun, and to concentrate on helping the team while polishing their own skills.

Fostering Good Sportsmanship

Remember the saying, “Actions speak louder than words”? That’s especially true when it comes to teaching your kids the basics of good sportsmanship. Your behavior during practices and games will influence them more than any pep talk or lecture you give them.

Here are some suggestions on how to build sportsmanship in your child:

• Unless you’re coaching your child’s team, you need to remember that you’re the parent. Shout words of encouragement, not directions, from the sidelines (there is a difference!).
• If you are your kid’s coach, don’t expect too much out of your own child. Don’t be harder on him or her than on anyone else on the team, but don’t play favorites either.
• Keep your comments positive. Don’t bad-mouth coaches, players, or game officials. If you have a serious concern about the way that games or practices are being conducted, or if you’re upset about other parents’ behavior, discuss it privately with your child’s coach or with a league official.
• When you’re talking to your child after a competition, it’s important not to dwell on who won or lost. Instead, you might ask your child, “How did you feel you did during the game?” If your child mentions that he or she didn’t do well at a particular skill, like throwing or catching, offer to work on these skills with your child before the next game.
• Applaud good plays no matter who makes them.
• Set a good example with your courteous behavior toward the parents of kids on the other team. Congratulate them when their kids win.
• Remember that it’s your child, not you, who is playing. Don’t push your child into a sport because it’s what you enjoyed. As your child gets older, let your child choose the sport he or she wants to play, and let him or her decide the level of commitment he or she wants to make to it.
• Keep your perspective. It’s just a game. Even if your child’s team loses every game of the season it’s unlikely to ruin his or her life or chances of success.
• Look for examples of good sportsmanship in professional athletes and point them out to your kid. Talk about the bad examples, too, and why they upset you.
• Finally, don’t forget to have fun. Even if your child isn’t the star, enjoy the game while you’re thinking of all the benefits your child is gaining – new skills, new friends, and attitudes that can help him or her all through life.

If you have spent a lot of time as a youth sport parent during the past year (as I have), you probably feel a bit battered and bruised right now. It seems that everyone is ready to blame “out-of-control parents” for all the ills of youth sports. We are the crazy ones screaming on the sidelines, abusing the kids, yelling at the officials, and displaying poor sportsmanship. What’s a parent to do?

One piece of advice that is handed out regularly to parents is to “set a good example” for our children. And most parents I know DO try to be positive and to encourage to our children as they climb the competitive sports ladder. But I have discovered that in order to have a positive influence on those around us, including children and other parents, we need to do more than just clap and cheer for our kids.

Teaching Sportsmanship

Here are five things you can do that will really show your children (and other parents) what being “a good sport” is really all about:

1. Cheer for all the children, even those on the other team
This may seem a bit radical, but I have seen what a surprising difference it can make on the sidelines and in the stands when parents make an effort to applaud a good effort or a fine play – no matter whom makes it. If you focus obsessively on your own child at a sporting event you are giving a clear signal that you don’t really care about the team or the event – you just care about your son or daughter. By contrast, parents who shout and cheer for all the children set a great example for the kids, by sending the message that youth sports are about giving one’s best effort and enjoying the game, not about winning and losing.

2. Thank the officials
If you find a few moments to compliment the officials for their hard work after a game (especially if your child’s team loses) you will be rewarded with the pleasure of seeing a surprised smile in return. Youth sport officials tell me that such positive feedback, rare as it often is, goes a long way in motivating them to stick with their volunteer work and keeps them going through the bad times. All too often the only words a volunteer official hears (and remember, these are often young people themselves), are harsh words of criticism such as “you blew the call,” “get some glasses,” or even “you’re ruining the game ump.” Make sure that the officials for your child’s game always hear at least one parent thanking them after every game: you! If you keep it up, your example is sure to spread to other parents on your team.

3. Talk to parents of the other team: they’re not the enemy
Last year I attended a state championship baseball playoff game for under-11 boys. The winner would advance to the league’s state final. After regulation play, the game was tied. The tension in the stands among the parents kept rising as each extra inning passed. Mothers would cover their eyes as their sons came to the plate, or hold hands tightly with the parents sitting next to them. Finally, in the bottom of the 10th, the home team broke through and scored the decisive run.

There was more relief than jubilation from the parents of the winning team. Naturally, the parents of the other team sat in stunned silence. Then, one of the parents on the winning side went over to the parents of the losing team and began shaking hands with them, telling them what an exceptional and competitive game their sons had played. I watched closely and noticed smiles break out on the faces of these parents, saw their shoulders lift and their energy return at this simple gesture from a member of “the enemy.”

Sometimes we get so caught up in an in-town rivalry, or a big match against another school, that we forget that the other team is really just like our kids. Their parents care about their children just as much as we do. Showing our children that we can interact with parents from the other team in a friendly manner sets a good example for them to congratulate or commiserate with the other team after every match.

4. Be a parent, not a coach: resist the urge to critique
Some of the young athletes I work with tell me that they dread the ride home with their parents after a game or match. That’s because, win or lose, they know their parent will go over their performance in detail, pointing out all their mistakes. Typical is Susan, a 12-year-old gymnast, who sat in my office recently with tears rolling down her face as she recounted her father’s reaction to her most recent competitive performance at a gymnastics meet in Pennsylvania. On the four-hour drive home, her father, Dennis, went over her routine in excruciating detail, listing all the errors she made. He wasn’t angry, he didn’t yell. In fact, I am sure he had the best of intentions: he just wanted her to know how she could improve.

The problem, of course, was that Susan already knew each and every error her father pointed out, and also recognized some additional missteps and faults that he hadn’t listed. She didn’t need him to remind her of the obvious. Dennis mistook her quiet stoicism in the face of a poor performance for a lack of caring. The fact was that Susan cared a great deal about gymnastics and hated to do poorly at important meets. The resulting resentment and miscommunications lead to Susan quitting gymnastics, which was unfortunate and unnecessary.

The urge to critique a child’s performance is very natural for parents. Yet many of the most successful athletes I work share something in common: their parents’ lack of criticism of their sporting performance. “They just wanted me to play and have fun,” is a typical comment from an Olympic basketball player. Another told me “Mom and Dad never had much say in how I played. They left that to the coach. But I knew they were always there for me, no matter how I did.” Sometimes just being there shows your children what being a good parent is all about.

5. Stay Physically Active
You will probably not be shocked to learn that your child learns more from observing you than anyone else. If you strongly encourage your child to participate in a sport, but aren’t physically active yourself, you are sending a mixed message. How can we expect our children to grow up to be active and healthy adults if we ourselves are couch potatoes?

The psychological advantages for parents to remain actively involved in sports and physical activities while their children participate in sports are many. It promotes an outer-directedness that helps parents look beyond their child and see the big picture. Being emotionally involved in your own sport helps avoid spoiling your child with attention. It is difficult to be very critical of your child’s progress in a sport if you are constantly being confronted by how difficult it is to move forward in your own sport. I know that, since I have taken up golf, I have gained tremendous appreciation for how difficult it is for any child to learn the complex motor and cognitive skills of a sport. This gives me more patience for helping my children learn their sports.

In fact, I think the best sport programs of the future will be those that include the whole family. What better way for children to learn to have fun and enjoy sports than by sharing activities with their parents, siblings and friends?

I hope my ideas are helpful to you, and as always, I look forward to any comments or ideas you have. Have fun in sports!

You don’t win silver. You lose gold.” That’s the sour message of a sneaker advertisement that aired on TV during the Atlanta Olympics.

Such omnipresent multimedia messages combined with a “winning is everything” philosophy embraced by increasing numbers of parents and coaches – makes it harder than ever for adults to teach kids that it’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game that’s important.

It’s not surprising that the rise in bad sportsmanship — and outrageous behavior in professional sports has resulted in a parallel increase of poor sportsmanship (e.g., trash-talking, violence) in youth sports. Regardless of whether we caution our kids to NOT idolize professional athletes who behave badly, kids will continue to be influenced by the behavior of the pros.

How can you instill in your child the importance of good sportsmanship and offset the “win at all costs” philosophy?

Both parents and coaches can start by focusing on these issues:

Be Your Child’s Role Model.
Offer praise and encouraging words for all athletes, including your child’s opponents. Never openly berate, tease, or demean any child athlete, coach, or referee while attending a sporting event. When attending athletic events or watching them on TV with your child, refrain from criticizing or condemning athletes’ performances.

During the Olympics, what messages are you sending your child if you honor only athletes from the United States, while rooting against athletes from all other countries? Let your child see you enjoy the sports and athletic activities that you play, modeling the philosophy that you don’t always need to win or be the best to enjoy playing sports.

Do You Have A Hidden Agenda?
Be honest with yourself about why you want your child to play organized sports. What do you want her to gain from the experience? Are your intentions based on providing her with pleasurable, social activities that develop a better sense of self-worth, skills, and sportsmanship? Or do you harbor dreams of her turning her topspin forehand into a collegiate scholarship, or riches and fame? A child’s participation in sports and the importance attached to it should not be driven by a parent’s desire to use her child’s sports accomplishments for ulterior purposes.

You Set the Rules.
It’s ultimately your responsibility to teach your children good sportsmanship, both as a participant and as a spectator. If you observe your child engaged in poor sportsmanship, regardless of whether his coach corrects him or not, you must discuss your child’s misbehavior and insensitivity with him after the game. If a coach is ignoring, allowing, or encouraging poor sportsmanship, you need to make your objections known to the coach in a private discussion.

Watching and Learning.
Whether you’re watching the Olympics on TV or attending a high-school sporting event, you can always find “teachable moments” regarding sportsmanship. Ask your child her opinions of: players who showboat and taunt their opponents; the costs to the team of a technical foul, or being ejected from a game for unsportsman-like conduct; and the appropriate behavior of opposing players toward one another after a game. During these “teachable moments” ask her open-ended questions and listen more than you talk or lecture.

How to Teach Your Child to Be a Good Sport

Children learn about good sportsmanship by watching the adults around them. Many children become upset about their individual performances, as well as their team’s performance. However, if they see adults emulating good sportsmanship they will learn how to deal with their inner frustrations and become a good sport, themselves.

Teach children to shake hands with the opposing team before and after a game. Children should shake hands with the opposing team after a win and a loss. Parents and coaches can demonstrate good sportsmanship by being friendly to the opposing team. If a child looses a game, they should hold his or her head high with dignity and congratulate the winning team. Teach children that the event they are participating in is not a reflection of who they are as people.

Many children forget to have fun when they are playing their sport, debating on a team, or performing in a competition. Children can easily become their own worst critic and be hard on themselves. It is important that children do not feel pressured to perform. Their moves should not be second guessed or berated by their parents. Children should be taught that they are winners whether they come in first or last.

It is easy for a child to display unsportsmanlike conduct if they are confronted with an opponent, teammate or an adult who is doing so. While a child may slip and say harsh things to an opponent in retaliation, it should be strongly discouraged.

Tips for parents who want to foster good sportsmanship in their child:

• Remember that your child is always watching you. If he or she sees you being unkind or yelling inappropriate remarks during a game, he or she will be inclined to do so, too.
• Do not play favorites with the children on your child’s team or let your child see that you think one child is a better player than another.
• Do not yell or argue at the umpire or coach.
• Do not put too much pressure on your child. Do not live out your unfulfilled dreams through your child’s life.
• Keep all comments about your child’s performance positive.
• Discuss any concerns you may have about your child’s team privately with the coach or officials.
• When the game is over, do not focus on who won or lost.