Before I walked down isle, I was bombarded with sage words of wisdom from well-intentioned family and friends. But, after the honeymoon phase wore off, I realized that many of these marital proclamations were nothing short of myths. As a result, I have debunked some of the most common marital myths.

And They Lived Happily Ever After
We grow up with that Cinderella fairy tale as we seek our Prince Charming. But Happiness doesn’t just happen – you make it happen. Marriage is not a resolution to life’s problems. In fact, it comes packaged with its own set of problems. Still, statistics say that overall married people express greater happiness than unmarried people – it is important to remember that marriage – as happiness – requires work and commitment. People should lose the idea that marriage should be a 50 – 50 split. Instead, each spouse should contribute 100% to the marriage making it the top priority – over work, in-laws, and kids.

Never Go To Bed Angry
I use to have that saying framed and on my night stand – eventually I trashed it. Sounds really good in theory – that we should not rest until all disputes are resolved. But the truth is, it is really difficult to solve problems in the heat of the moment when you’re really ticked off and angry. Staying up to continue the argument allows sleep deprivation to enter into and already volatile environment.
Instead agree to a cooling off period and allow sleep to assist in clearing the air.
I am not suggesting that problems should be swept under the bed (so to speak), instead, they can be better addressed when you are well-rested and clear headed.

Married People have Less Satisfactory Sex Lives
Now TV sitcoms will beg to differ, the idea that married couples go into sexual hibernation just isn’t true. In fact, studies show that married people have sex more often than their unmarried counterparts. In addition, many report that intimacy improves as the years go by.The key is communication in and outside of the bedroom

So what can we do to keep that spark alive once kids arrive? Here are a few tips:

Parent with a United Front
I am strong believer that a family was born once a couple commits. The marriage is the most important link to a family system. When children arrive – they are welcomed members of the family – but do not DEFINE the family. The parents have that role. I HIGHLY recommend that couples attend a parenting class before baby arrives. That way they can be assured that they are on the same page as far as parenting styles are concerned. Refusing to undermine each other or questioning each other’s authority in front of the children will demonstrate a united front and keep the marriage as a priority.

Put the kids to bed early
Kids need a lot of sleep and couples need time together. Putting kids down between 7 and 8 will allow time together without any interruptions – except of course for the occasional monster in the closet. Getting kids on a routine early that you as parents establish will give the couple the freedom to take additional efforts to maintain a solid marriage.

Date Nights
Remember – the marriage needs to be the number one priority – therefore, what it needs more than anything else is time.
Have a weekly date night and hire a babysitter or recruit a family member.
This also will demonstrate to your children that mommy and daddy love each other and make each other a priority.

Keep it Sexy
Check in during the day. Write a note. Send some flowers. Flirt with your spouse and feel free to be a little naughty.
Plan a surprise overnight get-away. Once again, reminding your spouse that they are a priority will make them feel valued and therefore even more committed to the marriage.