For married families, managing holiday schedules is stressful enough. However, for divorced families, holidays are even more complicated trying to negotiate travel plans and gift-giving between two households. Often, children are pulled in many different directions and will likely take on some of the stress they are sensing.

Although there is nothing you can do to totally avoid the tension that comes with holiday planning for separate households, there are some tips to consider for making the occasion merry for everyone.

1.Develop a Holiday Schedule
No one should be forced to eat Turkey and dressing twice in one day. Each family is different and some can successfully have joint holidays together. However, in many cases, uniting divorced families for annual celebrations is not conducive for keeping the festivities festive. In this case, try to avoid scheduling the children at noon with mom and at 6:00 with Dad. Instead, arrange for the children to alternate years when they spend the actual holiday with parents. If you and your former spouse cannot come to a consensus, hire a child psychologist or mediator to assist with the negotiation.

2.Keep in Touch
If your children are not with you for the special day, call them, send them a card or special gift to let them know you are thinking of them. These days, a text message or email can provide some holiday cheer for your children in your absence. In addition, if your children are spending the day with you, allow them to call the other parent and offer them a quiet moment to express their holiday wishes.

3.Coordinate Gift-Giving
Discuss what you are planning to give your children before the big day. Even if your child has been begging for a new cell phone, she certainly does not need two to keep in touch. In addition, no “one-upsmanship” – don’t try to out-give the other parent to score points with your child. Your child can see through these attempts and it is a terrible pattern to start.

4.Practice Peace on Earth
Tis’ the season to get along. Let the spirit of the holidays serve as motivation to suspend the battle for the sake of the celebration. Try to avoid any divorce wars during the holidays and be an example to your kids. These are memories that you are making for your children – be the bigger person and don’t pick a fight.

The holidays are a magical time for children. They look forward to picking out their Halloween costumes, calling dibs on the last piece of pumpkin pie, and seeing the treasures that a jolly ol’ elf has left behind. Divorced couples need to protect these memories and find a way to celebrate in harmony.