Somewhere starting around age 8, our little chatter box children seem to clam up. I think this is particularly true for boys. Most of our questions are met with one word answers. You know what I’m talking about… “How was school?” … “Fine.” … “How was baseball practice?”… “Fine.” “What’s the meaning of life?” … Shrug…It doesn’t get much deeper than that.

Mary E. DeMuth, author, speaker and mother believes that parents can revolutionize their homes by finding ways to communicate with their kids. She calls it “Conversational Parenting.” “It’s a way of relating to our kids that’s not talking TO them, but WITH them,” she explains. “There’s a fine balance between heavily directed parenting and becoming your child’s best friend. Somewhere in the middle is the ideal place—a parent who guides, but listens—all the while engaging in the kinds of conversations that build a longstanding relationship with his children.”

Part of this balance involves allowing our children to see our humanness. “Sharing our own adventures and struggles is the key that opens our children’s ability to share theirs.” Being authentic is essential. For example, letting kids know when you’ve screwed up at work, forgot about Aunt Francis’ birthday, or felt a little freaked out about speaking in front of the PTA. “This opens up the conversation for the kids to not only share their days, but to come alongside me and encourage me,” says DeMuth.

DeMuth also suggests that parents should serve as their kids’ life coach. “It means to graduate from directive parenting (do this, do that) to allowing your children to make their own decisions.” For example, if your child comes home with a bad grade, they shouldn’t be met with condemnation, punishment, or a ready-to-order solution for improved marks. Instead, a coach empathizes and then redirects. “Wow, that’s really hard. I’m sorry you got that grade. What are you going to do to bring it back up? What’s your plan?”

DeMuth offers great insights into ways to foster a conversational home. It starts “by listening. By telling stories. By being there. By pursuing relationship.” Still, even if the environment is conducive for communication, it sometimes difficult to fill that gap between grow-up and kid and often parents are easily discouraged when kids are not responsive. Plus, let’s face it, parents don’t have a lot of time to drag stuff out of our kids. After all, we’ve got to get to soccer practice, finish homework, squeeze in dinner, watch American Idol and check our email… all before bedtime! “Sure, we have the same 24 hours in a day that we had in earlier generations,” says DeMuth. “But activity has taken much of that away. If you want to make an impact in your kids’ lives, you must take inventory of the time you’re wasting. TV, activity, computers, crazy work schedules, sports—all these can undermine your family if you let them. “

So Mary has conversation starters on her website (www.marydemuth.com). Some include: “What would you like to change about yourself if you could?” “If you were President of the United States, what would you do on your first day?” “What would you rather have, braces or glasses?”

Mary says, “My goal in parenting is to create the kind of family that my kids are wildly enthusiastic about coming home to everyday. Conversational parenting is the way I do that. And so can you.”