It’s the last soccer game of the season. Finally, my son has possession of the ball. This is a momentous event and I cheer as he runs towards the goal. “GO COLTON!! GO COLTON!! YOU CAN DO IT!! RUN!! RUN!!” All of a sudden, everything stops. Colton stops and the other team stops. Confused, I look around and see the ref running towards me and yelling “GET OFF THE FIELD!!”

In my excitement, I realized I had been running beside my son, on the field towards the goal. The coaches, players and parents were all staring at me in disbelief. The worst part was seeing the horror or my husband’s face. He pulled me off the field and yelled “You are one of those freak soccer moms that everyone talks about! What is wrong with you?!”

Since then, I have contained my enthusiasm at sporting events. I still cheer the loudest, but I stay on the sidelines or behind the backstop. I have had to learn that good sportsmanship in kids starts with the parents. As a result, I am offering the 10 Commandments for Sports Moms and Sports Dads.

1. Treat Officials with Respect
   Even if the ref seems blind and refuses to acknowledge the two-times your kid was obviously fouled, refrain from screaming, shouting or spitting. Keep in mind that your view from the sidelines could be quite different from inside the rink.

2. Be Honest About Athletic Abilities
   It is pointless and potentially harmful to tell your child that he’s great baseball player when he never makes it to first base. Be honest about his skill level and don’t pump him up with false feedback about his abilities. It can be more devastating for him to learn the truth from taunting teammates or frustrated coaches. Make him aware of his strengths and don’t pretend his limitations don’t exist.

3. Don’t Compare
   Okay, I know it’s impossible not to feel the sting with Soccer Susie scores three goals before your little girl gets off the sidelines. However, try not to compare the athletic skills of other children with your kid – at least not in her hearing range.

4. Leave the Coaching to the Coach
   Especially before, during and after the game. You’re poor kid has endured double overtime and doesn’t need a lecture on the way home from the game. He’s getting enough feedback from teammates and the coaches and doesn’t need any more advice. Parental coaching is appropriate when the real coach isn’t present – like in your backyard or at the park.

5. Don’t Distract the Players during the Game
   I have been personally called down for this. Overly zealous, well-intentioned parents can be distracting if they are cheering too loudly, taunting the other team, or barking commands from the sidelines. You want to show your support, but you don’t want to be a spectacle.

6. Remember It’s Not About You
   Just because you were an All-Star soccer player or the head cheerleader, you can’t expect the same level of performance from your kids. If, on the other hand, you were a bench warmer on the third-string team, try not to create an athletic career to replace the one you never had. Let’s keep it about the kids.

7. Be Prepared
   It seems like every time I attend a sporting event, a glove gets left behind or a helmet is missing. Make sure you have a designated area in your home for all things sports. Have a check-list that you refer to before every practice or game.

8. Practice What you Preach
   We grew up familiar slogans like “It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose” or “Winning isn’t everything” or “It’s Just a Game”. However, for kids it’s difficult not to take it seriously when they see their parents scream at the ref, argue with the coach and cry at a missed field goal. Remember, it really is just a game and not a matter of life and death.

9. Promote Courage
   Let’s face it… it’s intimidating facing a pitcher and fearing a strike out, or worse a ball in the face. Being afraid or nervous is expected in these intense situations. Remind your kids that being afraid is normal and that courage is not the absence of fear, but doing something in spite of the fear.

10. Appreciate Their Efforts
    Your child is already feeling like a loser when he fumbles the ball or misses the field goal. The worse thing you can do is express your disappointment because of their sporting mistakes. Your child needs to know that win or lose, you love her and appreciate her efforts.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s difficult not to get carried away and allow your emotions to interfere with good sportsmanship. If things get too intense, try some of these stress busters:

1. Go to the Concession Stand
   Nothing calms you down like tortilla chips with plastic looking cheese and some Skittles. Take a break and walk around. The physical activity will serve as a good adrenaline release.

2. Watch from a Distance
   If you can’t bear to see your child strike out for the third time, watch from a distance so that no one can see you cry

3. Get a Job
   Be the scorekeeper or videotaper. Having a mental chore will keep your pulse level and your emotions in check.

Bottom line, remember this is for fun. Yes Fun! If you and your child have played three seasons without any fun, then maybe it’s time to take up another activity. There are always openings in the chess club!

Get Involved.

Understand your kids’ motivations

Stress busters

What Kind of Sports Parent are You?